Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
