sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
