My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
this hospital has no fireball
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
