you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
