Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
