I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
