also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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