were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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