How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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