She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
