I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
