I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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