Got a toothbrush?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
