I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
