Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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