I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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