U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
