I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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