i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
