I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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