Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
