If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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