I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
