I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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