Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
