just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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