my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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