The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
