We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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