Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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