Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
