How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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