I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
