every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
