You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
