no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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