I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
