it wasn't lemon gatorade
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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