WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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