I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
