My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
