arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
