Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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