he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
