I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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