It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
