We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it hurts more in the daytime
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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