Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
