What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
