saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
