I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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