do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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