I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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