He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
