I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why are your pants in the freezer?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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