I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
