This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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