Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
